Part 2 - Before the Beginning

Technically, I’ve already given you a ‘beginning’, but there’s more to it than what I previously shared with you. What I'm about to say now is more of a prelude to Part 1, because sometimes beginnings can be hard to find. As a Holy-Spirit-gift loving Pentecostal Christian, 2026 represents to me an unravelling of my church tradition, in a manner of speaking. Like many other believers, I’ve observed scandal after scandal— albeit from a considerable distance, and it has been these observations that have catalysed my initial interest in the Eucharist.

While I realise that Pentecostal and megachurch are not always synonymous, it’s been glaring obvious that the moral failures of so many leaders and the systems of church they instituted, have occurred in charismatic megachurches. Subsequently, this has led to me questioning and researching biblical models of church structure and church history at large. If you're someone that is a student of church scandal, you could easily argue that there has been a much longer process of undoing in my church tradition than what has transpired this year, but at least from my point of view, this is the year that some of the most influential voices and ministries in my own Christian walk have at least publicly, and much more visibly, started to become undone.

I started following the heart-wrenching expositions of unprecedented moral failure in ministries and people to whom I had listened, followed, and admired. In some ways, I wish their failures had been 'only' stories of infidelity and affairs, but sadly it was, and is, much wider-reaching and insidious. Clergy sexual abuse rebranded and repackaged as 'affairs.' 'Prophetic' ministers divining knowledge from data-mining Facebook, and the rush to protect legacy and ministries whose responses have at best been thoughtless and at worst have revealed cultures that silence victims, shift blame, and deflect ownership. Shepherds who have allied with wolves instead of protecting their sheep.

With each new story, victim statement, and limp, sanitised "church statement" in response to the once denied now being undeniable, I felt undone, perhaps? Rocked, floored, astounded? Heartbroken and disappointed? All the above, and then a deep wondering; how can men speak so eloquently and profoundly of God and commit such heinous acts?

I started to reflect and realise that there are some shared characteristics in church/ministry models that have become embroiled in scandal. One man receives a vision from God to start a church. He (typically) is eloquent, charismatic, charming, and knows how to rally people around him, and boom! A new church is born! As the church grows, so does its influence and reach. Smaller campuses or satellite churches are started, the church mission becomes (or maybe it always was) bigger than its local area — global, often. I’m not trying to say that growth and vision is inherently bad, I’m merely pointing out features that I’ve observed.

The commonalities don’t stop there. While I am no theologian or biblical scholar, it doesn’t take much reading of the New Testament to see that the responses by the leaders of the ministries I’m alluding to fall short of biblical standards. Putting the teachings of the apostle Paul aside, take for example “thou shalt not lie” as a baseline standard for dealing with moral failure. It’s been heartbreaking to see church boards complicit in covering up moral failures. And then there’s the issue of accountability in these churches and ministries. There is a distinctive inability for church and ministry leaders to be deposed. Who has the power to depose leaders when their leadership endangers their congregation and by virtue of their global vision, greater Christendom at large?

So what does this have to do with me? Who am I to comment or be affected by events that are so far removed from me geographically? I started to realise that I am (I nearly wrote "was," but that would currently be inaccurate) part of a church with the same structure I outlined. My church was founded by one charismatic man who went on to plant more campuses locally (the use of that word in church circles has always made me cringe), and then internationally. I don’t know enough to honestly comment if he’s able to be stood down should a situation ever warrant it - and I’m not saying that he should or should have been. But I can’t help but wonder if the church movement I am in is prone to being plagued by the same types of scandals? It’s a question I’m currently wrestling with.

God has a way of answering prayers in unexpected ways. It honestly wasn't all that long ago after I dipped my proverbial toe into the Eucharist, that I asked God whether we were in the wrong church and should instead be in an Orthodox one, adding, “if so, God, you're going to need to speak to my husband about leaving our church”. Not long after, we found ourselves in our own mini-version of good old-fashioned, homegrown charismatic cover-up culture.

My husband had been serving for a little under a year on the church welcome team. It was a good fit for him. He's friendly, hospitable, and can strike up a conversation with just about anyone. At some point this year, the leader of his particular team within the welcome ministry changed. He recounted to me a couple of times how the leader had spoken to him rudely, hushed him like he was a child, and even on one occasion swore! The final straw was on Mother's Day of this year, when said leader texted him during the service to say that she was no longer going to put him on the roster. He was shocked. I asked him if he had not been showing up when he was rostered on, but he said no, he always showed up.

He got up out of his seat, found the leader, and asked her why she had done this. She said it was on account of having to follow him up too much, which my husband thought was ridiculous. After talking to me about her actions on and off, and contemplating whether he should speak with our pastor, he decided to pick up the phone and call our pastor to discuss it with him. Our pastor promised to look into it.

Several days later, my husband heard back from our pastor, but his tone and approach to the matter had changed. By text message, he invited my husband to have a meeting to try to resolve the matter with the person who had hurt him and an elder, in a "biblical" manner. Although dubious that anything would really be resolved, my husband agreed. What followed was a meeting without our pastor's presence, and instead an elder who knew nothing of the conflict he was walking into, nor how best to resolve it, and the offender, as promised.

I remember waiting after church for the meeting to end, and it seemed to take forever. When he came out, I could tell by the look on his face that nothing had been resolved. The offender had only apologised for their actions that could be verified on text, but denied all other claims. My husband had pointed out that other people were present and could be asked to verify his claims, but that was never followed up. A couple of weeks later, I asked him if our pastor had called to check in on how the meeting went, but no, he hadn't bothered. He still hasn't, some two months later.

Admittedly, my husband's experience was nowhere near the same degree as the events I've read about and listened to, but it has left him considerably hurt and feeling uncared for. I have felt angry, more with my pastor than with the offender. Surely he can't be oblivious as to how poorly leaders in bigger versions of our church structure have responded to issues far more severe? And what if he was presented with something far more serious by another person? Is palming off problems to ill-advised and ill-equipped elders his go-to plan? How can he not see that his response represents a major vulnerability that the enemy can, or could easily exploit, particularly when the church's vision is to move into a bigger building and continue expanding?

Clearly I have a lot of questions and I’m not confident that I’ll receive clear answers to all of them. However, I believe that God will guide us as to where we will or should be when the time is right. I haven't talked about this journey with many people, but one of my friends commented that perhaps what my husband has been going through is God's way of answering my prayers about leaving our church?Another unanswered question - one that will be revealed in time.